#90: I Would Go Back

This poem by Jaime brought tears to my eyes sort of immediately ... I guess partly because I felt like she was talking to our dad who has passed away and partly because each line holds so much depth in itself. As my emotions stirred while reading, my father came so vividly to mind. I found that interesting. But Jaime never states who she is talking to in the poem. I wanted to know. But then I ended up thinking... it's kind of cool to leave it up to the reader to allow whoever comes to mind sit with them for a bit. 

-Amanda

Jaime Posa    posa.jaime@gmail.com 

I Would Go Back

I would go back.  

I would go back to when you were just tiny 

And wide eyed and testing out the world 

And make sure you knew that you were loved. 

When you wandered around the playground alone

When you couldn’t finish the food on your plate 

When you stained the new carpet 

I would go back and look you straight in the eyes and hug you with the hands of my heart. 

I would go back 

To when you first learned about feelings 

Of love or lust or curiosity 

And tell you that it’s okay to feel this way 

And that you are doing it right 

And that you are loved. 

I would go back 

To when you wore weird outfits to school 

And when you wanted to be a poet

And when didn’t know how to do your hair 

And you didn’t fit in 

And you failed your first test 

And you were interested in all the wrong and uncool things 

And I would tell you that you are cool 

And that you are the right thing

And I wouldn’t let go until I could tell you believed me. 

I would go back 

And make sure you knew 

That it didn’t matter

That you were the best 

Or worst

Farthest ahead 

Furthest behind 

Or just in the middle 

Of anything-

That you are loved. 

And perfect. 

And not one tiny bit alone 

however and wherever

and just as who you are. 

And to call me if you ever found yourself forgetting. 

Jaime's first-person bio:

I teach and I write and I create things and I see if I can be a better listener more consistently every day. I enjoy using food, nature and yoga as tools for experiencing a deeper sense of joy, connection and freedom (within myself and with other beings). I began regularly referring to myself as a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer in 2012, after serving more than 2 years in El Salvador, and I aways refer to that because that experience is an inflection point for when I began more intentionally living. I actually sometimes say that Peace Corps "saved my life" and I kinda sorta mean that. My biggest joy in my work is when a child's face lights up.