#88: "Outlawing" Feelings and Opinions

Recently I have been thinking about the "intrinsic" versus "instrumental" value of things, and here I love how Pip breaks down the instrumental value of thoughts - thoughts themselves are not an end goal, but a goal for something else, something much bigger. They help us DO things that opinions and feelings impede. Thank you for this useful compass, Pip!

- Lauren

Pip Coburn    pcoburn@coburnventures.com

“OUTLAWING” FEELINGS AND OPINIONS

In collaboration, we aim to get beyond feelings and opinions and instead focus on underpinning thoughts because thoughts are transferrable — they are more inclusive which can make environments more student-minded and open to engagement from all…

…leading to better outcomes…

This is a prep note for next month’s Crosby Retreat in New York. I am sharing it widely. 

In 2006 during an investment meeting, when asked about a certain portfolio position Helen said she felt “comfortable” with the position size we held in stock XYZ.

This is typical investment world lingo:  “comfortable”.

On that day though for whatever reason, I heard something that seemed “off.”

So on the spot, I told the group we were outlawing feelings.

The problem is that feelings aren’t easily transferable.

Helen and I are different people.

We don’t feel the same in the same situations. SO knowing that she was “comfortable” did not help me know if I was comfortable. It didn’t lead us to conversation and collaboration.

The good news is that feelings are triggered by thoughts.  And thoughts are transferable.

So all I had to do was ask Helen what her thinking was that lead her to her feeling of “comfort”.

Once she could tap into her thinking (e.g. “the management is solid and will handle this next challenge well”) and we could collectively engage with her thinking (e.g.  “Ahh… well I think this is a new challenge and I don’t think they have the right skills.”), it created a pathway for us to work together.

At the Crosby Retreat -- which hinges on collaboration -- we have come to “outlaw” opinions, in addition feelings.  

Opinions drain energy. 

Opinions can be unintentionally combative. 

Opinions can create us versus them. 

Opinions can end conversations. 

Opinions can inadvertently come across as fundamentalist – closed minded.

My brother Ted suggests that we come to the Crosby Retreat to challenge the conventionality of our own thinking. “Opinions” can swiftly put an end to that.

The good news is that opinions rest on top of richer thinking.

Just below the surface of opinions reside: 

+ logic chains

+ supporting data

+ anecdotal evidence

Transferrable thoughts.

These are gateways to collaboration. With each of these, we can then engage together and see where we might agree or disagree, as well as what is the next step to pursue together. 

Pip's first-person bio: 

More than anything I suspect I am driven by “community”.   Across the past 15 years, I have grown to realize that most any success or fortune I have had in the work I do I have re-invested back into my activities such that I spend more and more of my life with people I adore and admire and just loving being around and working on a whole bunch of things that I am incredibly excited about.   I like to study monumental change at the levels of society, marketplaces, organizations and most significantly… people.  I like to study culture deeply. I like to attempt to create culture. I like processes and helping others advances their processes and being trusted deeply.   My wife Kelly is both supportive and probably confused by what I do for a living which makes two of us.  My greatest joy in my work is when I have the chance to draw from two decades of intense work in order to perhaps help someone have a break through.