#233: Renouncing Privacy

I remember many months ago now, back when seeing someone in public wearing a mask still made you do a double take, our friend Joe Bruzzese said on a call that his orientation to wearing a mask changed drastically when he realized he wasn’t wearing a mask to protect himself from COVID, but rather to protect both friends and strangers around him. That orientation reminds me of Pip’s here; of giving others a glimpse into some of the parts of ourselves we may not be most proud of not for ourselves, but for them. Perhaps ironically, Pip is now sharing some of those inner thoughts with us. 

-Lauren

RENOUNCING PRIVACY 

 

“For the sake of others you renounce your privacy…” - Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche 

I reread this idea above recently. It stopped me in my tracks.

“Why in the world, again, would I renounce my privacy? To help others? Huh?”

When I think of privacy, I don’t think about medical records or my “data.” I think of my mind and all that runs through it.

Way back when, I was terrified of sharing many of my thoughts.

All the doubts and fears and reactions and anxieties and sadness and hurt and processes and insecurities and mistakes...oh.  

My failures. When I was wrong. When I was responsible for hurting someone. When I was mean…or envious… 

Or when I knew it was right to say, “I’m sorry” and deeply mean it but…I couldn’t.

I think I was trained to hide all of this stuff because, surely, it would make me far less attractive to other humans…

I wanted the “privacy” to all THAT stuff in my mind.

If people thought I was…perfect…and didn’t see my shortcomings…all would be great, right?

It’s no wonder that long ago I was absolutely terrified to speak in public! I am not at all anymore. Some people have trouble believing I once had this fear.

I think of privacy as a method for avoiding getting hurt. “Privacy as protection.”

Somewhere along the line, I suppose, I got tired of hiding so much. I somewhat bravely inched out just a tad and started revealing mistakes or insufficiencies or sadness or limits in my abilities…I had attempted to ignore or edit out the parts I didn’t like about myself from the full story of me as a human being. So, I tested the waters. Tested my fears. And a super strange thing happened: it seemed that a lot of people liked me far more. And that I was actually OK if others, for whatever reason, might not. Totally OK. But I gained freedom. I could quit editing out the bad parts of me. I could be at home.

So perhaps I renounce my privacy as a learned (i.e. non-intuitive) path to reduce my own loneliness…

…so I can be a great companion to others as we walk through life’s complexities tenderly together.

Back to the line above: 

“For the sake of others, you renounce your privacy…” 

Mayyyyybbbbbeeeeee this whole protection/privacy prison isn’t just my unique experience…

…for the past 7 to 8 years, I have been thoughtfully and actively revealing my mind and renouncing (hopefully with efficacy) my privacy to create perhaps a smidge more space for others to have more freedom. My hope is they might be able to be more themselves with all of their perceived so-called shortcomings and flaws, to consider that those are connection points, not embarrassments…

So initially, I think I “renounced a smidge of my privacy” to create freedom for me. Now, perhaps it is more so to extend freedom to those I love.

One day at a time…more ahead.

“To the extent that you stand in your own shoes and love yourself with all your craziness is the degree to which you can understand the craziness and confusion of others… and something happens: you are no longer afraid of people…” - Ani Pema Chodron