CFC Blog #16: Things I learned in Pre-K Part I

This piece written by my sister Jaime has me further reflect on the importance of how we communicate with those around us, especially when we want to mediate a conflict. Perhaps by recognizing the emotions of others and reminding ourselves of the vast amount of similarities and common goals shared between each of us, we can re-create and maintain more peaceful spaces that can also serve as opportunities for growth. 

- Amanda

#proudsister :) 

Things I learned in Pre-K Part I

I have this thought that sometimes when conflicts arise between two adults a wall goes up between the two people. Each may feel inclined to defend and protect themselves and soon enough the other person feels like an enemy. 

In early childhood education, the language we use with children is very important. In our classroom, it is our intention to always keep the children as the protagonists and initiators of their play, work and lives, while we cultivate an environment that fosters healthy social interactions. 

I'm a teacher and one age group I work with is 4 year olds. I work in a child-led, play-based setting. This means our daily environment is really fun, spontaneous, and full of conflict. Many times throughout the day a student will come to me and say, "so-and-so knocked my blocks down" or "so-and-so is not sharing the pieces". When I come over to help, one of the first things I will say is, "Luke, it sounds like there's something you want your friend to know. Do you want to share?" After that, I say, "It sounds like there's a problem. Does anyone want to fix it?" I might also say, "What plan are you going to use to play together now?" 

I would say that 9/10 times I'm pleasantly surprised by how quickly the once-very-serious conflict gets resolved, how quickly calmness returns to each child, and how kind they are to one another. I've noticed that redirecting the point of contention to the conflict/problem itself, and not to the person who "caused" the problem, helps the children remember how they are still friends and can work together. By acknowledging feelings, and then giving the children the authority and right to choose if and how they want to fix the problem, I've seen children walk away more peaceful and self-assured. 

The language we choose and how we frame things matters. When I over-dramatize a personal problem in my head, I find myself more often now asking myself "Is there something I want my friend to know? It sounds like I have a problem. Do I want to fix it? What plan am I going to use to work together now?"

This helps me reduce the us/them, you v. me mentality. Although I can't quite say I've nailed this when it comes to conflicts with my mother.