CFC INSIGHTS: Road making

If I told you that I am a Roadmaker, would you believe me?

Many days, I’m not sure if I even believe myself. I was invited to participate in the first, annual Roadmakers gathering in June 2015. So, that means that I have spent the past 16months brainstorming, analyzing, meditating on, mind-mapping and pin-pointing all the ways that I am, and that I am not, a Roadmaker.

Just last month, on a warm day in early October, fourteen of us gathered again at the cozy and inspiring Seaport space. We sat in a circle in front of a brick wall speckled with photographs that were snapshots of community. Amongst a few other things, one of the organic reasons for us coming together again was to share our Roadmaking experiences over the past year since our last gathering, and, perhaps, to come to a more clearer understanding of who we were collectively, and what it was, exactly, that we do. So, that’s exactly where we started at 9am on a Wednesday. There was no, “So, how have you been?” We just dove straight into, “What did you learn this year, if anything?”

I’ve noticed that about Roadmakers. They surprise me with their questions. Often times I’ve felt I’ve been thrown a curve ball. I have even felt unsettled for a moment, as a thought bubble formed and an “I don’t know” rolled off my tongue. The three-line-story I’m used to rattling off when someone asks, “So, what do you do?” wasn’t available anymore to answer the question, “What’s your guiding principle?”

And yet, this is the very thing that draws me to Roadmakers. There’s an incredible potential for growth. In merely two gatherings, which probably amounted to less than a cumulative 40 hours in each other’s physical presence, I felt safe, connected and incredibly open to these fourteen individuals. And, even better, (as a big believer in the theory that change only happens outside the comfort zone), I felt comfortable in all the uncomfortable moments of not-knowing.

I firmly believe that this is because beneath everything, Roadmakers prioritize deep listening. Before anything else, we practice noticing the value of the human being before us and letting them know, without words, that we care for them and accept them, silently and subtly, just as they are. This is what everything else is built upon. If non-obligation is the inherent core value of Community for Change, then deep listening is what sets the tone of Roadmaking.

So, that is how we spent our morning: listening deeply to one another. Unfortunately, when it comes to defining our deep listening activity, words do not suffice. Deep listening can only be understood with a Roadmaker’s face.

At some point later, we split into two smaller groups. Now that we had set the tone, we were ready to talk about some rocks in our lives that we were having trouble moving or lifting or climbing over. I was listening to my group share, when I had this vision and I started drawing. It was a simple doodle that came to me clearly as I absorbed and integrated the guiding life principles and rocks that my fellow Roadmakers were sharing with me.

Again, I have to say here that words won’t do the drawing justice, as that is just what inspired me to draw in the first place. Words have weight, some more than others. And the thing is with us Roadmakers, we feel that weight and we often have trouble readily accepting words that are mainstream or inflated.  We’re suspicious of labels and boxes and egos and dualism. We choose words and ways that open us and inspire dialogue and creativity, as opposed to words and ways that separate and close us off.

And, too, I must say, as a Roadmaker, I love words. I revel at some writers’ abilities to open me, or to transport me through time and space. Sometimes, just by hearing a poem I am transported right back to the place I was when I sat sobbing with grief or even, through a lyric, I can feel the embrace of a close friend. Words, when they bring us together, enable us to experience a profound and tangible sense of oneness. This is the art of true communication.

So, let me give it a shot. This drawing that came to me is the Roadmakers path. I have to admit, last year, when I finally convinced myself before the first gathering that I was a Roadmaker, I saw myself wearing a hardhat with a clipboard in hand and a fierce look upon my face. On the clipboard was graph paper with two straight lines in a one-point perspective drawing heading into the distance with a projected timeline for building. Prior to communing with the other thirteen, I thought I had to prove something to the world now, to my fellow Roadmakers, and gosh golly, to Pip!

And here I am, a year later, on a (now) Thursday afternoon, unsettled and comfortable in my uncomfortableness, totally inspired and empowered and grounded, and uncertain, with a winding, loopy, convoluted path drawn on the blank page of a (seemingly endless) journal that I hold in my hand. The path starts out narrow, gradually gaining some breadth. It takes some swift turns, it backtracks, it revisits past patterns and beliefs, and it carries some forward and leaves some behind. It becomes more gentle and forgiving. It broadens significantly. It is a path that one has committed to passionately and that one is ready and willing to walk in solitude. It is a path that becomes rocky and where walkers bump into one another and realize it is, perhaps, more joyful to walk in solidarity. It is an uncertain path, walked by people who fully feel the weight of the challenges and contradictions along the way, and yet, they have no choice but to keep walking.

So, I’ve since stopped worrying about whether I can, or cannot, call myself a Roadmaker, as a stand-alone individual. Nor am I obsessed with figuring out where this path is going and how exactly I am going to get there. I feel in my bones, however, that I am wholeheartedly part of, and committed to, a Roadmaking community. My uncertainty is not a synonym for being lost or indifferent, stuck or submissive. Rather, it is the fertile ground for unlimited possibilities. Deep listening and curiosity dictate where I go next. And I am creating so many more deeper, more joyful relationships along the way. This is the Roadmaker’s journey and this is the path I choose.