#372: SPOTLIGHT: Richard Sugarman
Question for Richard:
What is one thing that is small and perhaps nuanced or surprising and perhaps typically sub conscious that you can tell drives you each day ?
Richard's Response:
This is not small or surprising, and it is both subconscious and conscious. When I was less than 6 years old, my family moved from Ohio to VA. My parents wanted their “bright” son to be in first grade, not kindergarten. The public schools would not let a child under six go into first grade. My loving parents found a “solution.” They enrolled me in and sent me away to a military school.
At 5 1/2 I was alone living at a military school. Wearing a uniform, marching everywhere, orders being shouted, sleeping in a barracks, no toys, no colors, no family. No visitors for the first 3 months. No phones or contact with family. And I was the youngest by far, so I lived with and went to school with much older kids. Where was my family? Why was I here? What did I do wrong? When would this end?
The impact of this “abandonment” has lived inside me ever since. It can be a cruel life partner leading to deep fears, anger, bitterness, resentment, and sadness. All of those pop up for me, sometimes for an instant, sometimes lasting and deep, and often at surprising moments. But I have also over time and with much work “processed” that experience into how I see and use myself in the world. I’m very sensitive to and connected with people who seem lost, overlooked, invisible, abandoned. It and they have been my life’s work/mission. I’m very independent and self-reliant, sometimes overly so. I can spend many hours alone with my thoughts and “entertaining” myself. I push myself hard at times to be “very good” at whatever, so “they” won’t send me away again. I’ve learned and accepted that even loving parents can do very dumb things. And I’m very bad with authority figures and anyone who just “gives me orders.” Thanks for this opportunity to share a big and often hidden piece of myself.
Amanda’s thought…
I suspect Rich would love all direct responses from you. I find it incredibly encouraging when I hear from any of you after I share my thoughts. It is powerful for me. I assume many others have a similar experience. So here is Rich's email… pip
Rich, I had no idea you had this experience as a young child and I can't begin to fathom what it must have been like. Reading your story reminds me of what Frank Tate, a close friend of mine in this community, has shared much about: the ways that it is possible to use the pain from one's past as rocket fuel for their future. And Rich, the fact that you use this challenging experience from your childhood to now serve others and their future, particularly those facing hardship, truly moves me. I imagine this all may not be easy to re-live, so thank you so much for trusting in this space and openly sharing.
- AP
