#355: Internal Time

I love the message of Jaime's writing below. It has me thinking about how it can feel challenging to detach from the natural tendency to be in hyperproductive mode throughout the day, jumping from one thing to the next. But there are ways to step out of this mindset by checking in with myself and my body more - perhaps through simple self-questioning, slowing down daily tasks a bit, or taking a minute away from everyone and everything to be in solitude. And by doing these intentional check-ins, I can welcome more presence and ease into my being, and therefore my doing too. 

- Amanda

Internal Time

Is this me? Is this me in my body or is this colonization of my mind? I find myself checking in with myself more and more regularly. Like 6 months ago I set an intention to take my “slowing down” more seriously… and… in sitting with that intention almost daily…I think I’ve finally begun that journey.

I’ve been doing these mini-meditations throughout the day when I notice my heart and/or feet are racing. “Are we in an emergency?” I ask myself silently in the moment. Or I let my kids know I am taking a minute and I step into the bathroom and I look into my own eyes and I ask, “What is the worst thing that could happen right now if we’re late?” I’m walking slower in the woods and FINALLY not worried that I’m “not getting the most out of my time.” ( = colonization). I am trusting what my body needs. 

After neglecting myself so long and so hard in my postpartum periods, I’ve seen and felt what that can do to me and my family. And I’m no longer making excuses for the things I know I need to do for my central nervous system. So, I’m walking these woods slowly. Whenever I can find that space. I'm doing the dishes more slowly. I’m putting the toys away step by step. And let me tell you - also on the same day I’m doing those things, I’m not. Because my programming is STRONG. But I can feel it. I can feel the micro-shifts. I am drinking in these newfound moments where I find a micro-meditation - because five years ago, or maybe even last year - I could not access that. 

Here’s to checking in, especially when colonization comes at us at all corners.