#78: Curiosity
Here at UF, in my small apartment with my three roommates, we have a little fish and a large dog. Our large pup, Stella, gets attention all day long when we get home from class, when visitors stop by, when the maintenance staff come in to work... but as much as I enjoy affectionate cuddles from our friendly pooch, I'm always sure to give attention to our little Betta fish which we've had for a year now. I like the way he slowly swims to the side of his bowl to say hi EVERY time I'm doing the dishes, and I pause what I'm doing to put my finger up against the side of his little home. He's very interactive and always seems very curious about me. And even though he is a small part of our home, he is a peaceful reminder for me to be gentle and curious. As was your piece below, Jaime. Thank you :)
- Amanda
Jaime Posa posa.jaime@gmail.com
Curiosity
Last year, 2017, in spring time, this little yellow finch used to come up to our bedroom window early every morning and tap on it. He never flew directly into it, he would just hover in front of it and tap. Of course, I quickly fell in love with him and wholeheartedly believed he wanted to be my friend. I was concerned he’d crash into the window one day and hurt himself and I was curious about what was making him do this, so I started googling and visited the local bird store in town.
I discovered that he was a male and he was being territorial. He confused his reflection in the window with another male and was trying to stake his grounds. The person at the bird store said that once he’s finished nesting and his babies are born, he will probably stop.
So, to support my new friend and his coming family, I setup a bird feeder in the back yard. Little did I know how much I’d fall in love with all the new visitors. Cardinals, blue jays, black-capped chickadees, downy woodpeckers, morning doves, even a few red-tailed hawks. But given how much I’m constantly talking to my dog and animals and insects in the woods, it’s no surprise how much life these new feathery friends brought me.
And then, sure enough, one day Mr. Finch stopped tapping on the window. And low and behold, he appeared at the feeder with his lovely lady and 3 little yellow feathered little ones! Needless to say, I was beyond delighted.
One feeder turned into two … which turned into three - a hummingbird feeder. And we were going through bags of feed like crazy. Every now and again, a little birdie would even leave me one of his/her’s finest feathers in front of our front door. (There's a little collection growing on my window sill).
And then, in July, we went on vacation. The feeders ran dry and I was too lazy to fill them for days…weeks even. It stopped seeming like a big deal. I forgot what was so great about the bird visitors. And a mundaneness set into the backyard-life but “eh, whatever” was my attitude. And I went about my daily life.
And then I realized one day that “eh, whatever” had become my attitude! And I said, “enough is enough!” And I went to the bird store and the man there said, “Wow lots of hummingbirds right now, huh?” And I blushed with bird-shame. I hadn’t refilled the hummingbird feeder in ages, so how would I know?
But that was the first thing I did when I came home. And sure enough, within hours, the birds were back. And I remembered just how much I loved seeing them perched around my yard, waiting for a turn at the sunflower seeds. The chipmunks and squirrels came back to scamper around the ground scouring for falling goods. And the birds made songs of all kinds that I whistled along to inside my house as I cleaned.
And the first thing I saw when I woke up the next morning was two tiny ruby throated hummingbirds hovering around our backyard. And it made me smile all over inside. Each bird brings something different.
“I wish I could see them up close!” I said to my partner, as he was walking upstairs to get ready for work.
And as I was standing alone at the sink doing the dishes, the little guy flew straight up and hovered in front of the kitchen window, watching me for more than a few seconds as I washed. It brought me way more joy than one might expect.
And I laughed to myself thinking, “All you ever really have to do is ask."
(And maybe have a little joy in your heart instead of "eh, whatever").
I think we’ve got to always remember to follow our curiosities, however big and however tiny. We never know where they will lead, and how long and winding the journey might be, and what might pop up along the way. But it’s probably somewhere worth going.
Jaime's first-person bio:
I teach and I write and I create things and I see if I can be a better listener more consistently every day. I enjoy using food, nature and yoga as tools for experiencing a deeper sense of joy, connection and freedom (within myself and with other beings). I began regularly referring to myself as a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer in 2012, after serving more than 2 years in El Salvador, and I aways refer to that because that experience is an inflection point for when I began more intentionally living. I actually sometimes say that Peace Corps "saved my life" and I kinda sorta mean that. My biggest joy in my work is when a child's face lights up.