#67: Anti-Pet Peeves

When gathering together different people who don't always know each other well, I think Pip has a unique way of getting each of them to understand one other and who they really are on a genuinely deep level by the end of the night. And I think he does this through the types of questions he poses at the table, which are always entertaining and thought-provoking (and sometimes catch me way off guard so that my face turns red not knowing my answer right away). But I think these unconventional questions he raises, meaning ones that don't necessarily ask, "So what do you do? What's your major? Where are you from?", have an interesting way of revealing true personality in a fun and more engaging way. And the topic for conversation Pip describes below in his blog is one of my favoritesssss. 

Thanks for sharing your list of anti-pet peeves Pip. I think I too may benefit from writing down these little joys :) 

-Amanda 

Pip Coburn    pcoburn@coburnventures.com

ANTI-PET PEEVES

We started one of our Road Makers gatherings a couple years ago with each person revealing some of our pet peeves…  Learning our pet peeves certainly helped humanize all of us in short order by celebrating and laughing at our irritations.  It was truly fun mainly I suppose because the group we gathered that night was very willing to be self-effacing!   We all could laugh at ourselves pretty darned well. Maybe it was just the magic of the moment.

I recall one friend whose pet peeve was when in grammar someone might write “etc... etc…” but after providing just one example rather than the requisite three.

J

But celebrating pet peeves may reinforce our individual “right” to be annoyed or irritated by little things and in the process might train us to extend our personal lists and our day-to-day irritation-orientation.

So I have introduced into discussions the anti-pet-peeve.

If a pet peeve is something really small that irritates you significantly then an anti-pet-peeve is something that most might consider VERY small that generates tremendous joy for you!

Ant—pet-peeves celebrate JOY as opposed to irritation.  

They say you get more of what you celebrate.

And I think seeing joy quickly undermines a human tendency to see what’s wrong with our “critical mind”.  For clarity, “critical mind” is not the same as “critical thinking” which helps us solve tough puzzles for instance.

An example of “critical mind”:

Imagine a stunningly beautiful and rare occasion of a black tie wedding reception.

Our critical mind walks into the reception and DOESN’T appreciate the beauty of such a rare occurrence meant to honor the wonderful commitment of two human beings as expressed in the tuxes and ball gowns and the shined shoes and the wonderful champagne served in beautiful flutes and the wonderful passed appetizers and the flowers and the music and candles and wait staff and the smiles of the parents and grandparents but…

RATHER…

…the critical mind will miss ALL of that and much much more to instead QUICKLY ZERO IN on what is “wrong”…

…perhaps it is that one woman who “inappropriately” wears a red dress! 

“Critical mind” I think orients to what’s wrong and is very very very very extremely and easily  irritable.

Celebrating pet-peeves can be fun but a life of ever-triggerable irritation isn’t so fun for anyone.

So in the spirit of rejoicing and looking for the positive in life’s details we jump into anti-pet-peeves.

And here is something funny when we have done this:

After I offer the concept and one example -- such as getting back to your parked car to realize you DID NOT get a parking ticket when you were CERTAIN you would, etc., etc. – there is total silence.

No one can think of a damned thing.

Maybe our muscles just aren’t used for this joy-finding or maybe life is just truly more about irritation than joy ?? 

Your call.

The great news is that inside 15 minutes people are typically climbing over one another to provide yet another GREAT anti-pet-peeve…

“I got another one…”

And there is tons and tons of laughter… and joy… and humanness…

Here are a few of mine…

+          Skiing RIGHT after the mountain has been re-groomed

+          When the Zamboni finishes its last strip between periods of a hockey game

+          Finding one stamp somewhere in the house when I needed just one stamp

+          Great water pressure in a hotel shower

+          Someone other than me using “ellipses” in writing

+          When I am NOT late for an appointment when I thought you would be

+          Seeing a burst of flowers on a spring run

+          When Kelly has set a fire in the fireplace on a rainy fall day

+          Getting my haircut

+          When Kelly and I can sit next to each other at the bar and have dinner

+          Lunches that last forever

+          When I exchange “O-H” “I-O” with another Buckeye

+          When I discover a restaurant serves grits

+          When bands play a song I love but didn’t think they would play in concert

+          Learning that at The Black Cow I can get my milk steamed for only $0.25

+          After changing a light bulb and turning the switch and, YES, it works!!

+          Getting THE result at the top of the page on my first search

+          When people in cars yield to pedestrians in walkways

+          Uncovering a true irony

+       Using large and colored fonts

+          Hearing GREAT stories about friend’s kids

+          Unexpectedly hearing “Under Pressure” right at the right time

+          First snow of the winter

+          Our daughter Bailey literally jumping up and down when happy

+          Getting an email from a dear friend when it has been a while

+          Getting my teeth cleaned

+          Small world coincidences of nearly any sort

+          Group texts with Tucker and Eamon and Kelly

+          Hearing how couples met – the real scoop not just the initial “at a party”

+          Walking into our Seaport “office” space

+          Buying popcorn at the theatre to take home and watch Netflix

+          The sound of unsealing a vacuum-packed jar

+          Accidental extreme unaware use of mixed metaphors that actually works

+          Hard-boiled eggs that have already been de-shelled

+          Snow-flakes that stay on my nose and eye-lashes

+          Remembering the name of a person when I think I won’t

+          The smell of lilacs

+          Crossing into Maine on 95

+          When a dear friend answers on the third ring when I am about to give up

+          When my long lag putt leaves me close enough to the hole to tap in!

+          Seeing friends and couples re-unite in Grand Central Terminal at day’s end

+          Seeing tourists loving being tourists

+          When I wake at night and the clock tells me I can sleep for 2 more hours

+          Kelly’s laugh

etc… etc…

pip

Pip's first-person bio: 

More than anything I suspect I am driven by “community”.   Across the past 15 years, I have grown to realize that most any success or fortune I have had in the work I do I have re-invested back into my activities such that I spend more and more of my life with people I adore and admire and just loving being around and working on a whole bunch of things that I am incredibly excited about.   I like to study monumental change at the levels of society, marketplaces, organizations and most significantly… people.  I like to study culture deeply. I like to attempt to create culture. I like processes and helping others advances their processes and being trusted deeply.   My wife Kelly is both supportive and probably confused by what I do for a living which makes two of us.  My greatest joy in my work is when I have the chance to draw from two decades of intense work in order to perhaps help someone have a break through.