#108: Looking into a Different Mirror in 2019
I have realized lately more so than ever that I have been feeling somewhat confined in an obstructive and restricting mindset that has been hurting my self-esteem. My boyfriend Chad has always been so supportive in helping me to break free from the boundaries I create. So ALSO lately, more so than ever, I have been actually listening to the kind words he speaks to my soul - and rather than my thoughts responding back with, "He's probably just saying that because he's my boyfriend and wants to lift my spirits," I try to think.. to truly believe that .. "Maybe he's right about that." Thank you, Sasha. I found this piece so relatable and emotionally moving.
- Amanda
Sasha Dichter sdichter@acumen.org
Looking into a Different Mirror in 2019
While I’m not a big believer in New Year’s resolutions, I like the idea of resolving, this year, to change the story we tell ourselves about ourselves.
One of the most relaxing parts of my winter break were the hours I spent curled up with The Name of the Wind, by Patrick Rothfuss, the most-recommended fantasy fiction book by all of you.
At the end of the book, I found a pearl of wisdom spoken by a minor character named Bast:
Everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.
Bast then goes on to illustrate about how the story we tell ourselves can change (I choose to read this excerpt with the implied broad sense of “beauty,” and even so wish the example were a different one):
If you tell [a shy girl you love] she’s beautiful, she’ll think you’re sweet, but she won’t believe you. She knows that beauty lies in your beholding…But [you can] show her she is beautiful. You make mirrors of your eyes, prayers of your hands…It is hard, very hard, but when she truly believes you…Suddenly the story she tells herself in her own head changes. She transforms. She isn’t seen as beautiful. She is beautiful, seen.
So often we cling fiercely to limitations that are far past their expiration date.
We can resolve this year to start to believe the stories that the people who love us most tell us about ourselves.
Stories about being worthy of love.
Stories about being truly, deeply beautiful.
Stories about what we can accomplish: the book we can write, the new role we’re ready for, the strengths we have that come so easily to us that we ignore them.
The biggest leaps I took in 2018 were possible because I believed, even if just for a moment, the kindest, most generous stories that people who love me told me. These stories were sometimes spoken out loud and sometimes reflected powerfully in actions.
All of them helped me see myself in the kinder light reflected in the mirror of their eyes, rather than the harsh glow of self-criticism. And I’d think, “Maybe they’re right. Maybe that is in me. Maybe.” That was enough to imagine bravery. That was enough to begin.
Happy 2019. Here’s to a great year ahead.
Sasha's first-person bio:
As Acumen’s Chief Innovation Officer, I oversee Acumen’s three fastest-growing verticals: Lean Data, which brings customer voice into impact measurement; the Acumen Fellows Programs, with more than 400 Fellows globally; and +Acumen, the World’s School for Social change. I’ve also been blogging since 2008 and have written more than 1,000 blog posts on generosity, philanthropy and social change. I was the instigator behind Generosity Day and, frustrated with how nonprofits approach fundraising, I wrote the Manifesto for Nonprofit CEOs, a free resource that has been shared with thousands of nonprofit CEOs and Boards who care about making a difference. I find I get the most joy from my work when I see someone around me change and grow.