#116: My Birth Story — Community for Change

I think this may be one of the purest and most natural forms of "living in the now," truly feeling every aspect of the present moment without controlling it or allowing it to control. After Jaime and I lost our dad, I quickly started to emphasize that life and the pain that comes with it simply comes in waves. And I think in this piece, it is obvious that Jaime let go of trying to control the strong waves of discomfort and fear that were exhausting her, and instead decided to float until the roughness of the water broke (or in this case, HER water broke! ... too soon for jokes??) Welcome to the family baby Ellie! :)

- Amanda

Jaime Posa posa.jaime@gmail.com

My Birth Story

The bright red spot in your left eye

Mirrors the one in my right.

Matching subconjunctival hemorrhages,

Markings of our journeys

Our arrivals

Our births.

After 68 hours of early labor,

Prodromal, with little progression,

And intense back pain,

I finally surrendered.

Laying down on the couch

My body crumpled in exhaustion

And stuttering through tears of despair

I said out loud to Dennis

And perhaps to whatever power that exists that is greater than us

That I was done.

For just a minute or more

I was alone in the silence of our living room,

As my body and my mind finally let go of my desperate desire to have a beautiful home birth in the timeframe I expected with the team I had carefully composed.

Nothing had gone as planned

And I finally said out loud

“Take me”

This isn’t in my control.

And just then Dennis sat behind me, put his hands on my back

And I breathed a deep breath as low as I could into my body.

And just like that there was a pop we both heard

My water broke,

You finally dislodged from my pelvis

And three hours later

With the grace of a greater plan and greater pace

You appeared gently

On our bedroom floor.

And when we looked at each other

We each saw the small red paintings on the pure white canvases of our eyes

Telling each other our birth stories

Through the gateways of our souls.

Jaime's first-person bio:

I teach and I write and I create things and I see if I can be a better listener more consistently every day. I enjoy using food, nature and yoga as tools for experiencing a deeper sense of joy, connection and freedom (within myself and with other beings). I began regularly referring to myself as a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer in 2012, after serving more than 2 years in El Salvador, and I aways refer to that because that experience is an inflection point for when I began more intentionally living. I actually sometimes say that Peace Corps "saved my life" and I kinda sorta mean that. My biggest joy in my work is when a child's face lights up.