#142: I Never Told You

While going through some old documents on my laptop a couple days ago, I came across this forgotten poem I wrote about/for my dad two years ago, which was ironic because today is actually his birthday. Interesting and pretty fitting timing.. 

Because poetry is not realllyyy my forte, I decided to go back and edit this piece a bit, and am now sharing it with the community in celebration of what would have been my dad's special day.

- Amanda 

 Amanda Posa       amandaposaj@gmail.com 

I Never Told You

I'm sitting here

Looking at the blue painting that hangs over my bed

It’s a brown-haired girl floating on the ocean’s surface

You said you bought it because she reminded you of me

And I asked if I could take it for my room

Because I needed decor for the walls

And I didn’t really tell you how much I love it

Or really ever thanked you for it

And that bothers me 

I never told you that

I’m eating dinner

As I chew

I do this weird thing where I zone off into space

My eyes stare fixated on one point

I just think

And think some more

I got this strange 

but reflective habit 

from you

Then I always finish what’s on my plate

I get that from you also

You never wasted food and appreciated every bite 

Or maybe I just got your insatiable hunger

Either way

I never told you that

I’m out getting coffee

With someone I recently met

As we sit across from each other

An hour or so goes by

And we laugh a lot

This person comments on my sarcasm

And how he appreciates my wit 

I like when this playful, worry-free person

Shows herself 

And I’m glad I got her from you 

And I never told you that

I’m sitting with a group of people

That I have never met before

Or I’m out at a party

With unfamiliar faces

And I always want to hear people’s stories 

Because everyone has one

And it’s amazing to see different cultures

Religions, languages, ethnicities

And when we learn about others and are there for them

We learn about ourselves

Like when you put our adventure through Costa Rica on hold 

To stop and help a local who’s car was stuck in a muddy ditch

Even though you didn’t speak Spanish 

You did what you could to connect with him

You inspired and instilled this awareness in me

And I never told you that

So I’m sitting here now

Reflecting on so much

Hardships, regrets

Times of humor

Vacations

The motorcycle rides we always took

The memories we shared

And I wish we had more time 

Or even just one more day

Twenty four hours

So I could tell you all these little things

But then again maybe

That’s why you gave them to me 

So I can always carry you with me 

Happy Birthday, Dad

Amanda's first-person bio:

I am currently in my fifth year at the University of Florida. I am studying Special Education and Sustainability Studies as I have a deep passion for both teaching children and for caring for the environment. I seek work, people, and environments that align with my core values of empathy, compassion, and conscientiousness. My biggest joy is when I can be of sincere help to someone or something that needs me. Whether that means putting in great efforts to go green, supporting the earth and its resources, or opening my ears to listen and arms to hug someone who needs support, I always find my motivation when I see betterment due in part by my actions.