#364: SPOTLIGHT: Jack Elkins
Question for Jack:
What is one thing that is small and perhaps nuanced or surprising and perhaps typically sub-conscious that you can tell drives you each day?
Jack's Response:
I think it surprises me how much I focus on the signals I give, and not from an impression management perspective (though I know I do some of that) but from a facilitator's perspective. As a facilitator, I have become more aware of my signals. The signals I want to give, on many levels, are starting to feel more like instinct than taught. That excites me.
There are moments where I miss; and there are some signals that feel olympian level. I get upset at myself when I don’t signal well (and when I miss signals). I’m trying to be better about realizing that it probably doesn’t matter as much as I think it does (I can hear Rudy in one ear right now); but I continue to try. I am driven to do things with intention rather than reaction but also to be okay with the outcomes. To me the effort is about who I’m becoming by doing these little things, and that is a signal in and of itself.
The changes happen with small steps, they probably seem insignificant, until after a while they aren’t.
This morning, I drove my 4.5 year old Noah to pre-k. He told me he has a friend named Easton and they like to play Mario together. I asked him if Easton was someone he would want to invite to his birthday party and he said, “Yes.” pause He then said, “Oh, and can I have a Mario birthday party.”
I said, “Of course, Noah, that sounds fun.”
Noah said, “I want a Mario party because I know Easton would like that.”
I told him we could have a Mario party and I wanted him to know how impressed I was that he thought of someone else.
He said, “Daddy you do that too.”
It was the most lucid and special conversation with my 4.5-year-old. I wasn’t looking for validation (and I’m not now), but it was cool to see the signal return.
Amanda’s thought…
I suspect Jack would love all direct responses from you. I find it incredibly encouraging when I hear from any of you after I share my thoughts. It is powerful for me. I assume many others have a similar experience. So here is Jack's email… pip
Jack, your awareness of the signals you send as well as notice from others reminds me of Joe Esposito's "20 Greatest Hits on Listening." Specifically, one of the hits he shares is the idea of "listening for the transcendent" while conversing. In other words, listening for what is there but perhaps not said aloud verbally. I've noticed that when I am connecting deeply with someone, it's because I am more aware (on both the giving and receiving end) of the non-verbal signs, such as the actions, tones and expressions that are being displayed. But in order for me to be cognizant of them, it takes me being fully present in the interaction. Jack, I admire your self-awareness and your recognition of how it can impact others, especially as a facilitator. And I found myself smiling at the end of your note as I felt it was so beautiful that your son thinks so outwardly at such a young age. Thank you for your sharing here and for including the dialogue with Noah.
- AP
