#16: Things I learned in Pre-K

This piece written by my sister Jaime--I come from a family of four daughters including Danielle, Jaime, Christina, and me-- has me further reflect on the importance of how I communicate with those around me, especially when I want to mediate a conflict. Perhaps by recognizing the emotions of others and reminding myself of the vast amount of similarities and common goals shared between us all, I can re-create and maintain more peaceful spaces that can also serve as opportunities for growth.

~ Amanda

#proudsister :)

Things I learned in Pre-K

I have this thought that sometimes when conflicts arise between two adults a wall goes up between the two people. Each may feel inclined to defend and protect themselves and soon enough the other person feels like an enemy.

In early childhood education, the language we use with children is very important. In our classroom, it is our intention to always keep the children as the protagonists and initiators of their play, work and lives, while we cultivate an environment that fosters healthy social interactions.

I'm a teacher and one age group I work with is 4 year olds. I work in a child-led, play-based setting. This means our daily environment is really fun, spontaneous, and full of conflict. Many times throughout the day a student will come to me and say, "so-and-so knocked my blocks down" or "so-and-so is not sharing the pieces". When I come over to help, one of the first things I will say is, "Luke, it sounds like there's something you want your friend to know. Do you want to share?" After that, I say, "It sounds like there's a problem. Does anyone want to fix it?" I might also say, "What plan are you going to use to play together now?"

I would say that 9/10 times I'm pleasantly surprised by how quickly the once-very-serious conflict gets resolved, how quickly calmness returns to each child, and how kind they are to one another. I've noticed that redirecting the point of contention to the conflict/problem itself, and not to the person who "caused" the problem, helps the children remember how they are still friends and can work together. By acknowledging feelings, and then giving the children the authority and right to choose if and how they want to fix the problem, I've seen children walk away more peaceful and self-assured.

The language we choose and how we frame things matters. When I over-dramatize a personal problem in my head, I find myself more often now asking myself "Is there something I want my friend to know? It sounds like I have a problem. Do I want to fix it? What plan am I going to use to work together now?"

This helps me reduce the us/them, you v. me mentality. Although I can't quite say I've nailed this when it comes to conflicts with my mother.

Jaime Posa: posa.jaime@gmail.com

I teach and I write and I create things and I see if I can be a better listener more consistently every day. I enjoy using food, nature and yoga as tools for experiencing a deeper sense of joy, connection and freedom (within myself and with other beings). I began regularly referring to myself as a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer in 2012, after serving more than 2 years in El Salvador, and I aways refer to that because that experience is an inflection point for when I began more intentionally living. I actually sometimes say that Peace Corps "saved my life" and I kinda sorta mean that. My biggest joy in my work is when a child's face lights up.