#226: Weak Connections

I read today that some students at my alma mater have developed a way to create clusters of incoming freshmen with similar interests and then randomize pairs for Zoom calls in an attempt to engineer that serendipity that may occur when standing in line for food at the dining hall. Corey’s piece reminded me of just how much I miss these little encounters, both singular and recurring - perhaps they don’t amount to a relationship where you should, say, invite that person to a birthday party, but they become little backbeats of our lives that I think make us feel appreciated nonetheless. I love how he has gotten creative in also engineering- even strengthening - these encounters. And made me think that perhaps now is even a time to make those “weak connections” a little stronger. Thank you, Corey! 

- Lauren 

Weak Connections

Hunter S Thompson observed that writers are either peckers, laboring over every word, or swoopers, getting lots of words down and doubling-back later on for edits. I see that people tend to be this way in their interactions with other people, too: one may concentrate solely on a few very strong connections, or more widely distribute their attention with a greater number of weak connections. Between these two ways of being, I’m certainly the latter. 

There was something I didn’t know I was missing until a recent visit to my office — weak connections. The hellos to some of the same friendly faces gave me a sense of place in the great web of humanity: the barista at the coffee shop, the teller at the bank, the front desk folks at the building. It was always a true (internal) celebration when we first became close enough to remember each others’ faces, then names, and the HIGHEST honor to have a regular order memorized, or a call/response joke to share together. I know, perhaps it sounds as though my every day began to feel like a personalized, modern day version of the opening scene of Beauty and the Beast... and you wouldn’t be wrong. And I really dug it.

There’s a certain sense of peace in the predictability, the ritual of weak connection conversations. One can usually anticipate the content and duration; and there’s no pressure for it to go well or not because everyone in the exchange knows it’s casual. Or maybe you specialize in getting REALLY deep to be that person who drops a Rumi-like insight that changes someone’s thorn of a day into a rose. As a weak connection, you may have enough time and distance to allow for insightful observations to bubble up.

 Living in semi-quarantine in my current Spaceship Quarters hasn’t allowed me nearly the same volume of weak connections, so I’ve started creating them elsewhere. Sending birthday cards, making spontaneous comments on Instagram posts of distant friends, and making a point of saying hi to every passerby during dog walks all count for me. While none of these things fully replaces the feeling of multiple short form in-person conversations, I feel like they get closer every time I do them. Practice makes improvement.

And in case you were wondering, despite my interpersonal preference for lightly connecting with a lot of people, as a writer, I tend to be a swooper.