CFC Blog #42: March 2018 Patience

Many people say that one of the most important traits to have when working with children is patience. When I tutor a kindergartener in reading I sometimes overthink and worry if my instruction is effective enough for her to progress at the pace she should, and I begin to doubt myself and get anxious for results sooner. But Pip, your piece is a great reminder for me that over-thinking, worrying, imagining, and expecting outcomes to come quickly can cause real discomfort. And sometimes I need to remember to be open to and trust the step-by-step process and let things more naturally evolve on their own over time.  

- Amanda

MARCH 2018                       PATIENCE

A couple years ago I heard the following working definition of patience:

“Patience is the willingness to remain in discomfort”.

When I heard this definition I immediately ceased asking others to be patient.  As Priscilla suggested in repeating my logic back to me, asking others to be “patient” might be equivalent to saying “suffer in silence”. ;)  

Yeah, that doesn’t sound so kind.

I think about this working definition every single day.  

Sometimes it comes to mind when I am meditating when I really really want the time sitting to be over…  I can feel it…

And I am patient.

I stay.   I remain.

Yesterday, the idea of “patience = the willingness to remain in discomfort” came to mind about ten minutes into what turned into an eight-mile run here in rural England.  I happened to head out  with two far fitter runners who effortlessly floated while I “kept up”.  I “remained in discomfort” not knowing how long until or if we would ever get back!!  

Alas!  Just when I was ready to fold, my patience was “rewarded” as a miraculous short cut was discovered and the finish was comprehendible. 

Sometimes we get lucky!

But sometimes patience isn’t rewarded.

Patience doesn’t specifically guarantee anything in return.

I find no certainty of  direct “payoff”.

I don’t think there is a specific promise as exhibited in the Marshmallow test many of you might be familiar with where young children get two marshmallows instead of one if they are willing to be “patient’.

“Patience is the willingness to remain in discomfort”.

But I do experience a steady distinct payoff of a different kind.  

As I build this muscle of patience and I have steadily expanded my capacity to “remain in discomfort” to the extent that some things that previously significantly bugged me generate zero discomfort.

Completely gone…

…And I am capable of being still and listening and being a student and keeping my heart open.

And that is way more than enough for me.