CFC Blog #234: "How Are You?"

One of the new skills I’ve been practicing since COVID is learning a third language. While I’m getting better at putting basic sentences together in Japanese, I’m still far off from making intentional choices that take the connotation and energy of each word into account, like I do in English. My favorite linguistic learning so far is how there are certain phrases to say in certain social situations. The call/response of entering a shop, or announcing you’ve arrived home are set phrases that everyone speaks and responds to, almost robotically. I love the American ones we have in English that Joe touches on in this piece. It reminds me that the words I say are but one small part of my communication, their true meaning is colored by the energy and emotion I transmit as I send them out.

Note: Joe mentions hygge, about which our friend Rob Rose wrote a piece on earlier this year. It’s linked here if you dig the idea and want to read more.

http://www.cvcommunityforchange.org/robert-rose-1/2020/4/17/cfc-blog-59-finding-hygge-in-our-work

- Corey

"How Are You?"

Some years ago a friend of mine from Denmark (then a recent arrival in the US) asked me, "Why do people ask, how are you, when they don't really want to know?" Ah ha! There was something I had been clearly missing in my day to day transaction. "Hello, how are you?" has become for many people, part of the standard greeting and is usually met with, "Good, fine, ok". Try answering the question with, "Exceptional, outstanding, excellent" and see what type of response you get? Back to my Danish friend. She went on to explain that most people in Denmark would never ask, "How are you?" because they don't want to know how you are doing, and if they did ask, they would wait and listen to the whole story behind why you felt a certain way. Insightful. 

I have spent some time now asking and learning about Danish culture, particularly the practice of Hygge, for which there doesn't seem to be any American translation (imagine that). My Danish friends described Hygge as that intimate feeling you have when spending time with close friends in a close setting (an evening spent making Christmas crafts at their home while eating/drinking traditional Danish food/drink). 

Which leads me to this: I personally think American culture seems to be set up to put quantity of interactions, relationships and "How are yous?" ahead of quality of interactions... I'm working to change that. One experiment I tried was smiling at someone I recognized the same way I smile when I see a close friend. You know you hit the mark when the person does a double take and you see the look that says, "Do I know you?". For me, turning transactions into more relationship based interactions has been a worthwhile endeavor.