CFC INSIGHTS: Plus Wonder Convo — Community for Change

Let me start by saying I wish I had a recording of the entire day at Plus Wonder Conversation because the conversations were so incredibly inspirational and the positive energy and spirit of connection was so remarkable that I want to experience it more than once. The overall theme was about learning to build and inspire partnerships in one’s life, both professionally and personally. Plus Wonder functions to find the pattern and threads of wisdom of compatibility and harmonious relationships. Its name rooted from the words plus one. In the short introduction session, a video was presented introducing many different compatible partnerships like the famous Ben & Jerry, Bert & John Jacobs, Chris Redlitz & Beverly Parenti, Jimmy & Rosalynn Carter, & more. One little quote that stood out to me during this introduction: People are people because of people. We are so easily affected by those around us. Energy is contagious. Whether we are sensitive individuals or not, we are molded in some way by others in our environment and often times our feelings are influenced by what people say and/or how they treat/communicate with us. We may not always have total control over these feelings—they come and go, sometimes when we expect, sometimes not. The beauty though is that we DO have control over WHO we surround ourselves with. And we must surround ourselves with people who believe we can make a difference in the world, and who make us want to do so.

Firstly, we met Bert and John Jacobs. They shared their history and growth of their company, Life is Good. We sat as a group and absorbed why their relationship is unique and how they’ve grown up together, grown their partnership, and grown a meaningful life together. They shared with us the necessary seeds they first planted and continued fertilizing. Ultimately, their mission is to spread optimism. One of theirs and the company’s highlighting quotes: “Life isn’t easy. Life isn’t perfect. Life is good.” They brought up the many fights they had growing up as brothers, sharing the same room and space. Once their company started to grow, they had more fights. Whether these arguments were about t-shirt patterns, design colors, or where to order dinner, they simply reminded themselves of the one thing they did agree on: Optimism can empower us even in the hardest of times. They were inspired by their mother, the first major optimist in their lives who had one firm request at the dinner table each night, and it was not to clean up and do the dishes. She requested that her six children would each say one thing good that happened that day. So much negative information is spread by the media and the world tends to focus on the bad rather than the oh-so-much good that is going on around us, and all the improvements that have actually been made in society. For Bert and John, they demonstrated their natural inclination for art and creativity when they began drawing art and selling it on t-shirts out of the back of their van, traveling up and down the east coast on a never-ending road trip. Living off PB&Js and showering when they could, one girl showed up looking at Jake (the major smiley character of the company), and said, ‘You know, life IS good.” Spreading positivity became so powerful. They began getting calls from different people, as they asked, ‘Does Jake like ice-cream? Does he go skiing? Bike riding?” This idea of celebrating life was so rare, and Bert and John created their life by listening to people and celebrating what people in general love (their hobbies, food, sports, etc..). It was truly inspiring to hear Bert and John’s story and how they use their t-shirts and products as a vehicle of communication, not fashion, although I mean c’mon they are pretty stylish if I don’t say so myself. http://content.lifeisgood.com/company/

After this sharing, we broke off into six groups of ten or so. Time to dig deeper into ourselves, our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and opinions! We talked about the key elements of successful partnership: Trust, respect, empathy, belief, generosity, humility & equality. We chose which two we thought were most important to us. Interestingly enough, the one trait I initially put as least important, I ended up moving to most significant after some more profound thinking. After discussing our findings as a small group, I realized that although these key elements seem obvious when we read them, when group sessions and events like these ones take place, we are reminded and we notice which areas of our life we need to contribute more to by of course starting with changing ourselves. Partaking in these sessions force us to critique ourselves, even if we have trouble doing so, or not. We leave feeling better and more excited about the future, as well as more capable to tackle obstacles and spread positivity, love, and thoughtfulness with those we care about.

One other thing we discussed as a group that truly stuck with me was our conversation about working out our partnership problems and how to healthfully do so. One woman shared about the power of rituals, and how doing a specific activity either once a day, week, or month helps her and her husband connect on a stronger level and communicate better. For example, once a week two partners may set aside an hour or two each Sunday to sit and have tea on the front porch. I loved this idea of daily or weekly rituals. We are living very busy lives with seemingly endless tasks on our to-do lists. It can certainly be rejuvenating to have those couple hours to clear one’s head. Rituals serve as one way to remind us of the simple beauties of life, and to set aside that time to appreciate them. Another woman mentioned how her and her partner utilize safe spaces. In other words they have a designated spot they go to to work out their problems in a peaceful, calm way. I mentioned how in the past I’ve used the art of writing to express how I feel when I am troubled with something or feel something isn’t working. Lastly, Beverly Parenti and Chris Redlitz, launchers of The Last Mile (which I will discuss in the following paragraph), shared their method of ‘Surprise Day.’ Just as it sounds, they each prepare, buy, or do something to surprise one another. What a nice way to rekindle the love, even if it’s never been..well..kindled out?

I loved Beverly Parenti and Chris Redlitz’ story. They decided to pursue in tackling the issue of mass incarceration across America. They shed light on the idea that we could be spending the tax dollars used for prisons on higher education, producing educational opportunities for youth in undeserved communities. Perhaps we all need to think a little bit more like optimists. It’s not about what people have done; it’s about what they're capable of doing in the future. As the Chinese proverb says it, “Failure isn’t falling down. It’s refusing to get back up.” Using the right education and career training opportunities, Beverly and Chris are reducing the rates of recidivism and instead providing marketable skills for former convicts to gain employment upon release. To learn more about this remarkable one-of-a-kind organization and about the issues revolving around incarceration rates, check out this link. https://thelastmile.org It is definitely worth a deeper read—truly inspiring.

Then it was poetry time. A dynamic duo like no other I’ve ever seen, Phil Kaye and Sarah Kay. They had such a profoundness, expressing true sincerity and feeling in every pause and gesture. They inspired acceptance and humility as the words rolled off their tongues. They demonstrated two people who simply work and thrive together, yet are two whole, complete individuals who stand on their own. One of their poems they shared with us was titled, When Love Arrives. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPG6nJRJeWQ Oftenwe have very high expectations of what our partner will be like. We search for that person who has an endless list of positive attributes and unique characteristics and that make us melt to our knees yet swoop us back into the air and place us back on our feet—but nope. That usually isn’t the case. We can’t always put our finger on it, and sometimes it’s just the natural connection. And sometimes even when it seems someone is PERFECT and has EVERYTHING on paper, it’s just not meant to be. It’s the flaws that make each of us special and different. Sarah and Phil’s dynamism and energy with one another proved years of trust, confidence, faith, and encouragement passed between each of them.

Phil Kaye and Sarah Kay

The last twenty or so minutes of the day brought me to tears. Ples Felix and Asim Khamisa came in and shared their moving story with us. They are creators of The Forgiveness Project and the Tariq Khamisa Foundation, an organization which aims to stop children from killing children. I feel it was so striking and so unique of a story so here is the link to learn more about them, as the story is told worlds better in their voices. Briefly speaking, it is a story of how from a man’s murder comes peace. They used hard times, hurting, and heartbreak as an outlet to grow, raise awareness, spread peace, and make a difference for others in the world, teaching children about compassion, empathy, decision-making, non-violence, and forgiveness. http://theforgivenessproject.com/stories/azim-khamisa-ples-felix-usa/

It was such a pleasure and blessing to spend three+ hours surrounded by so many individuals who are making/have made a penetrating contribution to the world. Each of these people had their own way—their own story, struggles, adventure, path— to ignite positive social change. I indulged in every aspect of this conversation and encourage every one to be pro-active and engage themselves in experiences like these—truly inspiring and despite all I’ve just discussed, I walked out rather speechless.

Some key remembrances:

6 Magnetic Threads of Partnership- Profound Trust, Unshakeable Mutual Respect, Loving Empathy, Deep Belief in Possibility, Nurturing Generosity, Humility & Equality

(Ask Yourself: Which two are most important/prevalent in your partnership? Which do you feel is least significant? Is there anything you would add to this list?)

* You have to be loving before expecting to be loved. Don’t be afraid to jump in and love first. Same goes with trust.

* You can always get more than you can ever give. Approach the world with an open mind, open ears, and open arms.

* We can only know and understand so much about the world. In fact, we actually know very little. So remember to laugh. Remember to laugh at yourself. Find someone who will also laugh at you. Find someone who won’t take life too seriously all the time, someone who will bring out your humorous-side. After all, there’s a ton to smile about.

*How we communicate is so vital. It changes how we perceive things and how people perceive us…

EXAMPLE: “I need to go to the grocery store” VS “I get to go to the grocery store because I live in a world of abundance and options and choices and satisfactions” or “I have to pay the bills” VS “I get to pay the bills because I have a roof over my head”

* Everyone needs a place and it shouldn't be inside of someone else. -Richard Siken (Alternative: Everyone needs a place. It can’t be inside of someone else, but it can be besides them. That’s how valuable partnerships form, right??)

* Do not mistake eyes for hands. Or windows. Or mirrors. —Sarah Kay (from her poetry piece titled “The Type”)

* Constantly remind people what they mean to you, how they’ve helped or helped you grow, that you appreciate them, that you’re grateful for their presence and their belief in you. Even if you know they know, people don’t get tired of hearing it. Allow people to motivate you, and be a motivator for them too. Reminders go a long ways :)

* Keep your mission in mind and your vision in sight. That’s what matters at the end of the day. Don’t argue about the little details.

”Wonderment thrives from being with, working with, imagining with, making mischief with, problem-solving with, being loving with someone who makes you feel that you can change the world…”

+Wonder(inspiring people to shape partnerships for a better world and a better life)

Here’s a link to many of the Partner Stories and wisdom/advice from a diverse community of individuals who achieved a worthwhile, healthy partnership that contributed to a life of valued meaning, stimulating vitality, and positive social stewardship. http://stg.pluswonder.org/partner-stories/

...Amanda Posa

Photo of Bert Jacobs, co-founder of LifeisGoodCo, and myself.